July 2009

I’m at an interesting place in my life – in the middle of some big numbers.
– I’m approaching my 50th birthday
– Mr A and I have just celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary
– S~E is 18 and has now finished school

My life is about to change, with S~E moving to Australia in a few weeks. I will miss her when she goes, but that is part of the life and opportunities we have tried to give both her and C~M. The roots and the wings………………….. It will be a big change for C~M as well as for S~E.

Work is still crap. I really don’t want to be there. My heart just isn’t in it. But we need the salary to stay living in this house and to have the lifestyle that we are used to. We are noticing a reduced income, so our plan to be in Australia for Christmas and New Year will not materialise.

I need to think of some other way to celebrate my 50th.

Recently I have been thinking about my own mortality, I guess due to F’s breast cancer diagnosis, surgery and chemotherapy.

What do I want to do for the rest of my life?
Where do I want to be in five years time?
Once C~M has left school and home, what do I want to be doing?

I know I am drifting at the moment, waiting for changes, not really getting on with work or anything.

I need to change my attitude. I need to either commit to work, or I need to move to something else. Do I want to make the effort to change company? Do I have the energy to try to do something completely different? Do I stick this out for another few years? Do I have the energy for that? Questions, questions, questions ?????

You are not preparing towards a life that will begin at some point in the future.

This is your life, happening now, so enjoy it, use it, live it.