“Time is like water, it always finds it’s own level”.
This is another insomnia blog post. It’s 2.30am and my mind is wide awake, even if my body does not feel the same way. My mind will not switch off at the moment, so rather than lying in bed, awake, I am listening to some soothing music and contemplating time.
I heard my Aunt say the above quote a few days ago, when I stated that my life is busy even though I no longer commute for two hours or work for seven hours in an office. How can my weekdays still be so full?
This is the end of my first month of non-employment. On occasion, it still feels as though I am “bunking off” but it definitely has a different sense to being on holiday from work.
We have not been restricted by time. We turned off our alarms and we wake to our own body clocks. We have slept longer so feel less tired. We spend time with the morning newspapers, with some online updates, or with a book. We sit down together for breakfast, take our time rather than eating on the go or whilst multitasking.
We have removed time pressures, so we are able to walk to places, rather than jump in the car. We joined a local gym and walk there each day. We are building up time on the various equipment, then have a swim, sauna, steam and jacuzzi. That takes up a couple of hours of our day, but we do not have a fixed time to go, sometimes it’s morning, sometimes afternoon. We have learnt the hectic times to avoid but we are not limited to a class timetable.
I’m drinking more tea, but enjoying it, noticing the taste, rather than drinking it unconsciously whilst focusing on a task. The same applies to a glass of wine, to our meals.
The only appointments we have set have been for social reasons, meeting friends for lunch or birthday celebrations at a fixed time and place. Lunches have drifted on through the afternoons.
I don’t often look at the clock, because it is not important now. I’m doing more spontaneous things. I saw some recipes for “cakes in cups” or “muffins in mugs” and just tried one there and then. Easy and delicious.
Time goes so slowly when I’m trying to get to sleep in the middle of the night. But now, when I am focused on something, forty minutes has gone by, the album I selected on iTunes has finished. I have written this but I have allowed my mind to wander off on tangents. (How should you punctuate with speech marks or brackets?)
There are days when I wonder if I am my own Time Lord, when it seems that I control time, that time does not dictate my day, my activities, my thoughts or actions. It is great to get lost in a task, to see where something leads, not be limited by hours or minutes. After decades of chasing time, sometimes battling against time, this is a new freedom.
Time to go back to sleep now but I don’t have to be anywhere or meet anyone until late afternoon, so if I want to sleep in to nine o’clock on this Tuesday morning, I can. Sweet dreams.